When it comes to doing good

why couldn’t I obey 

Some call me a sinner 

my kids think I’m a saint 

 They think I'm a winner

Yea they think I'm great   

wish i was but I ain;t, I ain;t

If they only knew the pain  

I'm going through they will 

never have a clue 

Showing these emotions is

just something I cannot do 

tired of this life of sin

the things I have seen a 

And places that I been 

I needed directions 
these imperfections,

lost all affection 
this depression

I been suppressing 
Always second-guessing

Questioning if it’s lesson 
A blessing would be refreshing

Regretting the years 

 i spent injecting,

The pills I was ingesting, 
This is my confession

never learned my lesson  

I started judging

the man i was becoming 
Could only cope by numbing

was struggling for real 

Drowning all sorrows

Nightstand full Empty bottles

this whiskey bottles  

is only way I know how

to drown all of my sorrows 

mixing uppers with downers

for the pain that follows 
looking for some

painkillers to swallow

and a couple for tomorrow

Scrounging loose change  

in exchange feeling strange

Need these shakes to go away 

every night if I

don’t drink that sauce, 

I turn and I toss,

is this the cost

being Broken and lost 

Confused and depressed

with nothing to lose 

Tired of putting my body 

through all this abuse 

Due to the choices

that I choose

Torn to pieces 

 I even turned to Jesus,

Even got some Jesus pieces,  

blessed be thy name

Must be insane  

I always end up 

doing the same things 

This is not a joke

, realized how broke-en  

I really am

I pray for peace, 

I pray for change 

My entire life

is rearranged 

My life of sin t

his must be 

 the consequences'

I have to pay 

Just want to be happy,

 somehow, someway some way  

Reflecting on how life’s is going 

Owing these debt collectors

 and interest keeps growing yea 

slipped, tripped fell face down

and landed back in hell, 

I slipped and I fell in this life of hell

Sleepwalking through life 

just feeling numb t

he pain killers to kill the pain

no longer fun 

wake up see that empty bottle

scared of what’s  

about follow

Drown your pain and sorrow 

praying for a better tomorrow

so you swallow another pill 

Take a xanas bar to chill

then fill your glass full of  

whatever alcohol is near

whiskey or beer you do not care. 

The despair you will

do anything to change

the way you feel 

It’s how you cope 

how you heal, unreal, 

the affliction of your addiction

memories of your past  

go missing Wishing

God was listening,

 but he isn’t. He isn’t 

Mistakes from the past,

this life of living fast, 

Do not ask, why

my sobriety never lasts 

No excusing the boozing

 That was my  

Own choosing

 I was the one 

 abusing Consuming Polluting

my body and mind 

I can't deny Can't lie

wont question why

 in life you either 

 win or lose no 

such thing as a tie 

When you don’t abide

 by the rules acting like 

 The rules don’t apply

 when you do not comply 

Insanity the agony

 of this reality  

it’s a tragedy 

and the insanity 

living in a fantasy

 the agony

travesty of this tragedy 

 Just want to live

happily, stable financially  

 not so angrily

Living so unhappily  

A walking catastrophe  

Oh, the misery

The insanity the 

 pain is caused the family

problems it’s caused  financially

Want to use this gravity  

Jump off this balcony 

solving problems rapidly 

 yea a fucked-up strategy

might be better off  

in another galaxy i

t is insanity so sad to see 

knowing the consequences 

but But still 

take whatever will

change the way you feel 

chemically medically dependent

 constantly full of resentment 

. On your way

to another indictment in

being sober a requirement 

feel like you’re living

under a tyrant

in solitary confinement  

Because you didn’t

understand the assignment 

Been through an

overdose A time or two 

 not a clue what or who

bought me back  

from the dead, i

nstead of being grateful  

what the fuck

is what I said,

withdrawals were fuckin

with my head, 

waited 30 minutes

before I could inject

myself again 

Right now, I

don’t want to live  

to see another day 

No I'm not ok 

There has to be

another way 

Sick and tired

of this life of sin 

Wish what I know know

i knew then,  

Running towards death

 Or incarceration 

How did I

let this happen again 

Just keep going

relapsing So

tired of this

life of sin  

Will the pain and

agony ever end