I miss you.

I know that I shouldn't,

God knows that you’ve caused me enough pain

But that doesn’t stop my heart from reaching out to you in the night,

Looking for a reprieve from the night terrors

My bed cold and empty,

A harsh reminder of your absence.

 

Everyone reminds me that I should be okay.

It’s been weeks,

But i just can’t stop loving you

I can’t stop myself from checking your instagram,

Can’t stop myself from rereading your messages

Over and over again

Until I can practically recite them from memory

I always loved it when you called me baby,

It made me feel safe

Now, everytime i hear ‘baby’ I hold back the tears.

 

I should be okay by now.

I shouldn’t feel the need to text you anymore.

I shouldn’t miss you,

My thoughts shouldn’t be overcome by you.

I haven’t seen you in 5 weeks now,

I should be okay.

 

But I’m not.

 

I’m still reaching out to you,

Still trying to get back what we had,

Still trying to make us happen.

 

But now we’re just strangers with shared secrets,

Nights spent in each others arms,

Talking about our childhoods,

Our greatest fears,

About the future.

They’re all gone now.

The memories haven’t faded,

Everyday I wonder 

 

‘Will this be the day?’

 

But it never is.

We aren’t meant for each other,

No matter the sweet words,

And gentle touches,

We were too different.

I can see that now,

But that doesn’t mean that my heart hurts less.

 

I used to think that I knew what heartbreak felt like,

I didn’t.

You don’t truly know how bad it can be,

Until you’re crying at 3am,

So hard you throw up,

And your nose is running.

Until you haven’t worn anything but sweats for two weeks,

People are starting to worry.

You don’t know how bad it is,

Until people ask you if you’re okay

And you lie.

You lie every single time.

Because they don’t want to hear it.

They think you should be over him already.

So, you lie. 

To everyone.

You dig yourself into new holes,

Keep pretending that you’re okay,

That you’re just tired.

 

You aren’t just tired….though.

You tell people you are,

Because it’s convenient.

In reality, you fall into a depression

You under or overeat,

Life feels meaningless.

You feel numb,

All the time.

You cry until you’re thinking,

Is life really worth it?

Are things ever going to get better?

 

Yes.

Life is a bitch,

And it hurts, 

and it will always hurt.

Life will knock you on your ass just for fun.

You’ll get knocked down so many times,

That you’ll learn how to get back up.

You’ll learn that you’re stronger than them.

You’re stronger than the demons that haunt you.

You’re stronger than you know,

And you can get over it.

I believe in you.