Resounding Radiance

This poem is about: 
My family



*Includes mentions of child abuse*

This portrait not only represents an empowering figure in my life, but also an important period in my life. When I was a preteen, I faced emotional and minor physical abuse that went unacknowledged in my household, and even by myself. My abuser lead me to believe that the abuse was my fault, leaving me in not only a position of intense guilt but also a sense of fear that I have yet to completely rid myself of today. During this time, I had very few outlets where I could escape the anxiety that the abuse brought me. I eventually found a much needed sense of joy in the humble, caring actress, Tamara Taylor. Though relatively unknown, to me she was and is the world. Her warm peronality and sincerity was just the postivity in a role model that I was being sorely deprived of. She wasn't just a role model, but held a sense of warm maternity and simply the notion that there was such positivity and warmth in the world past my own world of fear.

For a long time, I never accounted for my experience with child abuse because of how it complicated my family, and how I felt as if I deserved being treated such a way. After reading through old diaries this past summer, I not only came to understand how truly fearful I felt during my abuse, but I understood how much Tamara's essence helped me through it, as there was truly no one else in my life at the time.  Everyday I am still trying to work through the issues my abuser left me with, and finding my voice to express this sensitive time of my life has helped me do so. When I draw Tamara, I feel closer to her radiant spirit which makes me feel proud and fortunate that she could be such a guiding light for me. Through this work and others I have been able to turn my experience with abuse to represent a voice of empowerment, not one of vicitmization and shame. Just because something is complicated and may even make others uncomfortable does not mean that it's not valid to talk about. If anything, that makes it more important to acknowledge.