I cannot truly apologize for falling out of love with you… I do not know if I can say I ever truly was.  I realized that you were right- there are girls who are prettier, smarter, funnier, more outgoing. Better. I promised I would not break your heart, and that I would not leave… I made so many promises, and you must have known that I couldn’t keep them all. However, I will apologize without sincerity. I have granted myself a false pardon, because you should have known. Please take this instead of the pills, it will do the same to you. Take this with coffee. No cream, no sugar. Blackened and bitter.  These are our last moments, but please do not worry. I will make sure that you get to see me.  You will see my eyes, their colors in the skies, leaves, trees. All the browns, greens, and blues.  You will feel my hair when you walk across carpet barefoot, so you will wear shoes in your apartment.  You will walk into the home goods store we once planned our future in. You may smell me when you walk into our favorite store, where we bought matching shirts.  When you pass the shelves covered in candles, you will smell every single one until you find me. But you won’t find me. I will be long gone, lingering in the air still, even though the person I lie within is now half way across the city. You will look at the lips of your lover and pretend his are mine.  You will see me in the grocery store, the produce section. I will be hold the hand of another girl, who is nothing like you. When you walk towards me, I will walk away. Maybe it isn’t me, but God, you will hope it is. And you will see me with the girl who I said meant nothing.  Yes, the girl with the pretty blonde hair and cute little butt. The girl whose laugh does not fill the room, but more so her stomach so that she does not have to eat. It is cheaper for me that way, and she is much prettier that way. I just want to be able to come back to you whenever I want, so I will give you a fake pitying look. I will make more promises that I will not keep, and when I kiss you without commitment, you will forget that they are just little white charms on the bracelet that I asked you to give back so I could give it to her. I took the bracelet like your sanity and purity because they were for someone special, and you’re just like everyone else. You should have known that you are just like every other girl.