Love thy brother as he’s family
will never be one of my philosophies
you are the worst
the hate I’ve written
on the newly painted pink walls
of my bedroom where my pillow lays
often carrying the excretion
of my heart’s angst and anger
when hatred blinds my eyes
from seeing consideration 

The hatred I’ve encrypted in my soul
denouncing all forms of audible words
words of forgiveness
words of love 
words of maturity
the hatred I ought and vow to carry 
all my life as a reminder
for vengeance in due time

but a voice…

a voice from the future
a voice I never heard
a voice who spoke when ears were closed
a voice which tried to fit in the cracks
of a broken chained locked heart

saying, brother I could’ve endured you a little more
extended my string of patience a little further
expanded my mind of possible causalities a bit father
because I ought to be your sister
created to supplement the lack you have
made to be the person that remains unwavered
when friends turn their backs on you
when they’ve all used you and your disability at their disposal

Brother, I could’ve anticipated
the typhoon a misguided life could give
the strong waves that could hit 
the shore called life, your life
that you could’ve recovered from
if I just paused and gave you my sympathies 

You could’ve been better
I could’ve been there
when the thought of feeling the forbidden ecstasy
to stray away from the harsh reality
came into your mind 

You are the worst 
The hatred I’ve written on the walls
because you were the mistake
I never will know
and will never get the chance correct