Help me get through tonight

Can anybody hear me?

I can’t keep putting up a fight

No one is ever coming

not even to help a little bit

Just help me someone

I just can’t fucking handle it

I’m so fucking done

with the fucking bullshit

All these months and days go by

where I blame myself for all that went wrong

and now I can’t stop what’s about to come

 

She thought I was the one

The last girl I dated

for 3 years and a half

I thought we were fated

to be each other’s other half

I loved her so much

and she loved me too

but I was way too stupid

to take a fucking clue

Couldn’t stop myself

Couldn’t even handle a date

I fucked it all up

and now, it’s too late

She’s gone for forever

not looking back at me

And I’m left with a sliver

of what i used to be

Sometimes, I wish that I could

just turn back time, reverse my fate

And then maybe I would

just make my whole damn life great

but that ain’t fucking happening

I know that’s bullshit

I’m tired of myself

and that’s not fucking it

I sick of living like nothing ever happened

sick of living like I can write rap and

make a living without thinking of you

but i can’t, can’t stop thinking of you

I would have given my life

but I fucked that chance up

wish I could end all this strife

But this love it needs far more than a touch-up

I can’t stop this cycle of terrible pain

It hurts so fucking bad God I must be insane

to think i might be saved

that my love for you

will finally fucking fade

But whatever I do

I’m just getting repaid

For all the shit I dealt to you

all the pain that I caused,

I want to get run-through and through

put my life on pause

and end it forever now

I m tired of trying

and dealing with this

now I’m fucking flying

into the abyss

You put me in charge

here comes a sparge

a literal baptism by fire for the fucking sarge

I couldn’t handle a wife

I couldn’t handle this strife

What the fuck makes you think I could handle my own God-damn life?

Guess it doesn’t matter now

Heavy sweat upon my brow

as I leave this fucking life with one last fucking bow.

No one else needs to

get hurt by me

I’m saying goodbye to the world

as I hang myself with this lea (on this tree?)
 

written 5/20/2015 from 1:20 to 2:04 am while trying to sleep on the couch in Chapman Hall 455 (AKA Jason Sims and Clay Giles room where I spent practically all of my one semester at BYU-I)