you tell me to talk to you

that you'll listen

you won't judge

you used to be me

you want to help me

you told me that you would listen

 

well you lied

 

because here I am

screaming in your face

saying how tired I am

how I don't want this anymore

that I need help

 

and guess what

 

you aren't listening

you judge me

you don't see where I'm coming from

you hurt instead of help

you haven't heard me at all

 

I don't know what I expected

 

that you would be able to change anything?

that you would be able to change me?

 

how stupid of me

to rely on someone like you

to fix someone like me

as if it is that easy

 

now I'm stuck

 

I want to change

I want to be better

but every time I open up

my mouth

I'm attacked

 

is it because my opinions are different?

because I'm different?

 

am I not worthy?

am I wrong

about everything?

 

what changed?

did I offend you?

do I disappoint you?

is it even me?

 

can you even hear me

asking these questions

shouting into this void between us

trying to get an answer

a reaction

some sign that I'm saying anything

at all

 

you used to be my reason

for believing

in things like love

permanence

acceptance

but now you are the reason

my trust

is faltering

 

when no one can hear you

you can't be loved

you can't be permanent

you can't be accepted

I can't be

not even by the people closest to me

and mom

I think that is what hurts the most

 

I tricked myself into believing

that you had to do these things

that you had to love me

keep me

accept me

trust me

just like I trusted you

 

and now nothing makes sense

 

My foundation is gone.

 

and I'm left

 

suspended in this void

screaming in your face

and you can't hear me

you couldn't ever hear me

 

no one can hear me.

 

I can't even hear myself.