I’m Alone

I’m Utterly Alone

Sometimes I’m also depressed

Other Times I don’t know who I am

Because I’m Alone I talk to four legged people

They look then turn their heads

Because I’m Utterly Alone I try to relate

But even birth giver finds me strange

Since I’m depressed I have to cope

I’ve gained fifty pounds this past year

When I don’t know who I am I play

Creating a character with a perfect life

I don’t want to be alone though

It hurts to be Utterly Alone

Mother was depressed too

She says she gets it

She doesn’t

She looks at me like she doesn’t understand me sometimes

She wants me to go out into the world and put on a smile

I can’t not like she can

He made sure of that

He who shall not be named

He whose biological connection shall only be described in the sense of conception

Tormented me

Mentally

Sometimes

Other times would be a push or quick slap to the stomach

A teasing smirk

“I know you hate me”

“I don’t care”

He could never be wrong

Then things would get worse

Biological Matriarch, His mother

Would take what he would give when he would try and give it to me

I can’t say anything I’m scarred

Even now that all of this is over with words still get caught

I can’t get passed it alone

I don’t want to be alone

I don’t want to be fat

I hate myself

I know what I really am like on the Inside

I just what the person on the outside to be that too

I want myself to use this catharsis

Tears of realization

And a smile because I can

I can let go

I don’t have to be alone

I can say what I want

He can’t stop me anymore

And even when my heart stops in fear

I will keep going

I don’t want to be alone

I won’t be alone

I want you to hear me

Because I’m Free